Research from Utrecht University (2023) shows that in as many as 1 in 4 relationships, sex has become rare. This decline can stem from various factors, such as work stress, children, health issues, or simply the feeling that the excitement has faded. Relationship therapist Esther Perel (2017) argues that long-term relationships often struggle with the tension between closeness and desire. Over time, your sex life can take a backseat, which is entirely normal. However, this doesn't mean you must accept it as the status quo. You and your partner can reignite passion and deepen your connection with a few conscious changes.
Common Challenges in Long-Term Relationships
Routine and Predictability
You know each other inside out, which is beautiful. Still, it can also make sex feel like a habit rather than an exciting experience. David Schnarch (2009) describes how couples often get stuck in patterns that diminish erotic tension.
Communication Issues
You talk openly about everything—except what happens in the bedroom. Shame, fear of hurting your partner, or not knowing how to start the conversation can result in unspoken desires. Vansteenwegen (2008) emphasizes that love is a process where open communication is essential to maintaining intimacy.
Physical and Hormonal Changes
Hormonal fluctuations, such as menopause or a drop in testosterone levels, can affect libido. Issues like erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness can also reduce pleasure, leading to insecurity or even avoiding intimacy. Research shows that medical interventions, such as hormone therapy and lifestyle changes, can positively impact sexual well-being.
Three Tips to Rekindle the Spark
- Introduce Variety into Your Love Life
- Do something unexpected. Plan a romantic getaway, try a new massage oil, or surprise your partner with a playful challenge. Even small changes, such as a different setting or time of day, can make a big difference. Perel (2017) emphasizes that the unknown and the unexpected are crucial for maintaining desire in a relationship.
- Invest in Both Emotional and Physical Intimacy
- Intimacy starts outside the bedroom. Increase daily physical affection—a hug while cooking, a kiss for no reason, or sitting together on the couch without distractions. Plan a weekly 'date night' where you genuinely focus on each other. Small gestures, such as a loving note or a spontaneous dance in the living room, strengthen emotional bonds and create a natural transition to physical closeness. Schnarch (2009) explains that couples who invest in their emotional connection often experience a more fulfilling sex life.
- Be Open to Support and Professional Guidance
Sometimes, overcoming obstacles alone is challenging, and that’s completely okay. At IKARIA Clinics, we offer various treatments to enhance your sex life, including erectile optimization, hormone therapy, and lifestyle coaching. Together, we assess what suits your situation best and help you regain confidence and joy in intimacy.
How IKARIA Clinics can support you
At IKARIA Clinics, we believe that a fulfilling sex life contributes to overall health and relationship happiness. Our specialists provide tailored treatments to address hormonal imbalances, erectile dysfunction, and sexual barriers. Whether you seek medical support or lifestyle advice, we're here to help.
Want to discover how we can support you and your partner? Contact us and take the first step towards a renewed and vibrant love life.
Sources:
- Utrecht University (2023). In 1 in 4 Relationships, Sex Is Rare. [Link to study]
- Perel, E. (2017). Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. Harper Collins.
- Schnarch, D. (2009). Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships. Norton & Company.
- Vansteenwegen, A. (2008). Love is a Verb. Lannoo.